A Long Night

I've been staying overnight at the hospital. Mom was warded in ICU, her first after a long while of not being THIS sick.

Shall I say, for someone who is VERY VERY strong as my mum.....seeing her weak and wrapped up in wires is the most painful of all feelings. I've never feel this helpless. If I could trade places with her, I am more than willing. Her courage and strength to survive is something not an ordinary people like us would have. I really admire her for that. Mum suffers a kind of medical emergency that quickly lead to death, but Alhamdullilah, with God willing...she survived.

But truth is truth. So all I can do is be strong for her and my siblings. Stayed overnight, just in case. Tell her jokes, makes her laugh, makes her smile, comb her hair, tied her long hair up in a bun, massage her legs, suapkan makan, pakaikan stokin so that her feet wont feel the cold, bring her favorite pillow. Anything for her. Anything.

Its nothing compared to what she has done for me all her life. Not just for me, but also for all the sacrifices she has done for everyone she has helped for the past 50 years.

I believe that there's two types of people in this world. A kind-hearted person and a person who tries so hard to appear as a kind-hearted person. There's a difference. I know this, because I have been living with the most kind-hearted and loving person my whole life. My mom. So yea, I know one, when I see one.

My point is, when you're kind and sincere, people loves you unconditionally. Its the law of nature. You be good to others, and you will receive the same. You pick fights with people or create a mess with everyone around you, people stay away. Its all logic.

And because my mom is the kind who is amazingly humble, strong, loving, kind and selfless (i can pick another thousand of great words for her) she has her family members; sisters, brothers, children, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, in-laws, friends, her children's friends, students...practically everyone; queuing up to take turn to visit her in ICU. The doctors and nurses can't say much because they too loves her. Fortunately for me, even MN's family - cousins, aunts and uncles; came to visit my mom because they love and respect her a lot.

So you can imagine how busy the day was earlier at the waiting room :)

I would love to write in more about my beloved, beloved mother. But all I can type in is this quick entry. I need to rest up a bit so I can have some energy for tomorrow.

For all my dear dear dear friends who have been staying in touch, keeping my spirit up, listening to my cries and offers help of any kind; I can't thank you much for being with me through this very difficult of time. My love and prayers for all of you. You know who you are.

I am more than grateful to be under my mom's pair of wings. To be her daughter and learn about life from her is something I would never trade with anything else.

A poem written by my fiance (on behalf of me) for my mom on her birthday last March:


It is hard to find the words to say
How much you mean to me,
But if it wasn’t for your love and care
I don’t know where I’d be.
You put up with my eccentricities
And me likes and no-likey,
You let me dance and learn art
And you looked after my chiky chiky. (btw, its my pet-chicken hihi)
You take me where I need to go
And welcome all my friends,
And though I sometimes make mistakes
Your kindness never ends.
This day is for letting you know
How loved you really are,
But there are not enough hours in the day
Not enough by far.
‘Thank you’ doesn’t fit the bill
There’s so much more to say,
But I want you to know that I’m grateful
Each and every day.

Just For An Hour

Non-Panic Days

Some perks gained working here:

1- Free food.

2- Free tickets to concerts.

But I declined the free tix to Sunburst tomorrow. And I'm shooting pies today which means free food.

You know, its really funny to see how stupidity hits everyone from time to time without knowing age limit. Each time we remind ourselves to grow up and be mature (or maybe in some cases, reminding others), but there's gonna be times we end up acting like a high-school kid yet again, without noticing.

Chances Are

Its pouring cats and dogs outside and the room’s temps is going lower. The remote is spoilt. Sitting right underneath the air-cond without a jacket, I’m dangerously frostbitten by the degree of coldness.

I went home 5ish this morning. My first after two weeks of super-calm days at work. Grab big breakfast and had ‘em whilst watching Kungfu Panda at home.

I was on my last bite when I stopped and think ‘I’m gonna miss this if I ever call it a day.’

The late-night work.
The lack of sleep.
The very early breakfast.
The smooth traffic.
The balmy weather at midnight.
The bird-chirping and me tucking into bed.

I’ve been spending a good deal of time planning for the after-marriage. Should I quit my lovely work now and finally have the guts to venture into the photography world? Or maybe I could finally realize my family’s dream of opening up a cafe. Or am I gonna end up being a boring housewife? (I doubt MN will let me). A lot of thinking and planning and asking around for opinions. 

This is the biggest turning point in my life.

I have just started to love my work as a copywriter. Advertising teach me hard lessons. At the same time, there’s a few photography offers thrown at me too. I have to pass it over as I'm not able to commit due to my full-time McJob. 

And then there’s marriage. And MN’s new found job with a renowned news agency. At the back of my head is always the Berlin project I’m delaying (the exhibition’s gonna take place this summer). Super, super slammed matters in hand.

We have a lot of things to do, goals to achieve. And more challenges that’s gonna swing by next i.e kids and building up a happy family.

Sometimes, I ask myself - will I be able to cope?

Surprisingly, I’m more than willing to take all the risk. Chances are, I’m gonna make it through. I've been through so much there's nothing I can't take.

At this moment, I just want to switch off the air-cond and make myself some hot cuppa.

Toast

I'm back in the game :)

I have to give a big thanks (and hugs) to Fizah for the introduction to Carol and Julian who personally hired me for their cousin's (Ben) wedding. We shot for seventeen hours but its definitely a worthy one. I have to give lots of credits to MN for watching my back, supporting me when I thought I have lost my magic triggers and fixing my speedlight. Credit also goes to Chua (my ex-classmate in LimKokWing) who did a damn good videography slideshow within a very limited time. It was hell a challenging ceremony but everyone did their best and thats certainly awesome.

We had a fantastic day!

More here.

And as a self-reward, got myself a Four Million Dollar Home. Nothing fancy as Cockney & Wickey but it makes me all giddy already! Teehee. My darling fiance thought it would be a good motivation for me to continue snapping so he just grab the crumpler from my hand and paid :P

It could fit one body, one lense and a speedlight. I dont think I would carry much, so. Its all good.

*happppppy*

2 things

I’m happy for two things:

1- I found most of my ‘beyond reach’ schoolmates on fb
2- I was assigned by my boss to do a food photography for his client

Did a test shot yesterday and the result was a bit disappointing. I wish the pies could move and have expressions and wont look too depressed. This is my first try on food photography so I’m more than determine to make it work. If I could do this, that means another door of opportunity is going to open up for me.

Food styling and photography is not an easy task to do. Played with the most minimal of things- a table mat and that was it. Its a ‘if you have nothing to say, than shut up’ kinda thing. I did a little bit of research on the net for some food photographer and I have to say, I favor Lara Ferroni. She makes a boring marcona almonds and mushrooms look amazing effortlessly.

She cooks, she travels, she takes breathtaking pictures and she gets free food samples.

Isn’t that great? She even makes me love serif fonts!