The Year For The Tigers

Have you ever feel as if you’re fighting in a never-ending war?

It feels very much like it at my end. Everyday is a crisis. Fights start as soon as the sun rises in the morning and when the fall of night begins, I’m already back at the forte, hiding from and ready for any ambush whilst licking my wound at a corner.

And I’m still here. Something I really am grateful for.

When the big war took place on a peaceful Monday night last couple of weeks, I gathered all the strength I have in me and face the ugly truth – Mom’s life is at risk. She was critical with three ruptures in her aorta that can cost her, her life. I brave myself to the hospital at four in the morning to be with her before the surgery. I held her hand in mine as she was being taken to the surgery room. She smiled and not a single worry or fear showed up on her face. I kissed her good luck and she returned it with a little, happy wave. The kind of gesture she always gives after I plant her goodbye kisses on the forehead.

Victory approached when mom survived a beautiful 5 and a half hour’s open-heart surgery under one of the best cardiothoracic team. It was a beautiful surgery, one of the best for this year, the surgeons said. Everything went well for mom, as Allah made it all smoothly done for His humble human. Alhamdullilah, I feel modest with such gratefulness. I can never thank Him enough as well as the 6 surgeons who have helped saved my mom.

She is the first survivor in the country for such surgery, who lives to tell everyone to never stop believe in Allah’s miracle, to always be thankful for everything, to love and be loved and knows that we human has our own little hero inside of us ready to get out there and fight.

I’ve never seen her stop fighting. Every battle scars she carries are proves that with courage and love in her, triumph is always hers. And she fights it single-handedly.

That day, she proves that giving up is never an option for her.

Every minute of my war, I keep on thinking – can I be a warrior like her? I am nothing next to her. I am a scared little soldier right now. One minor stroke that happened to mom yesterday sent me straight to the ground. I crumbled and couldn’t even bear to face her. I wasn’t prepared for any attack and one single blow left me shattered to pieces.

I was disappointed with myself for not being there when she had her stroke and was sent to the emergency room. I was saddened with mostly everything. I was even more ashamed for being weak and upset.

But this morning as I lie awake in my bed, I thought of my mom and how much she had gone through in her life. Twenty eight years ago, my mom fought it through to see me alive. And wrapped up in an unmeasurable amount of grace and bravery; I too have denied everyone’s fact that I’m not gonna make it to the world. Out of seven pre-mature babies who didn’t make it on November 25th 1982, I survived to show my mom that I didn’t let her down. One tiny cry was all it took to see her smiled in agreement. I have so much more appreciation of her than I ever did.

And for this, I know whatever life has installed for me; I'll be ready to fight it off and take the courage of my mom as strength to pull myself up, stand my ground and say "No, dear life. You're not taking me down that easily."

Not In The Mood To Write

Totally.

I wanna take my mind of things for a bit so I wont feel too sad about mom. She is, Alhamdullilah, 90% on her way to recovery and have started to walk around the ward with the help of the doctors. But it saddens me to see her sick, ever. It breaks my heart into millions of pieces. Like someone just ripped them heart out and stomped on it with a size 15 boot.

Now.

I shall write about one of the things I love the most (no, camera is not the only thing I cant live without) - shoes! My infatuation with shoes started when I was a little kid and as I grew up, I found myself more attracted to the unique pieces with vintage look. I used to own a brown, leather boot - mom had to buy it to shut me up from endless crying, which I love so much coz it makes me feel like a neat, little cowgirl. Brown, leather shoes never fails to make me happy.

So imagine my happiness when I found a good-looking mesh wrap sandal here. Its a steal at RM70 and luckily they still have it in my size! It has interesting detail of adjustable, buckled wrap on the ankle which looks cool.


image from the shop-lifters.


Pair it up with a high-waisted denim short + white-tee and voila, you're good to go.

--

If you have a bit of spare time, please say a little prayer for my mom for a speedy recovery ya *hugs* :)

Salinger and Catcher in the Rye

What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a good-by. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-by or a bad good-by, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't, you feel even worse.

Rest in peace, Mr Salinger.

Its Good To Be Home

Just got back. I'm totally wasted after walking hundreds and hundreds of kilometres in the hot sun of Singapore with my beloved for a good four days.

Its wonderful to feel the muscle ache on my shoulder, thigh and calf. I feel, human. Really reminds me of a lot of things which keeps me humble. Its indeed a blessing to have such strength to keep on moving forward.

And it made me feel warm inside to have follow wherever MN set his foot on during our four days journey.

I'm gonna hit the bed and we'll do catch up tomorrow.

Happy Days

It had been a good week so far and I have never love Tuesday like I do today. At home now, relaxing and enjoying my long hols.

Last week was filled with fun and sweet surprises. Most of us at work were very much in good spirit and despite itching to leave for official company hols, we worked hard and played hard nonetheless. Had an amazing, long pre-Christmas lunch with fellow colleagues - twas the best one so far with none of us discussing work hehe, and when it was time for the lucky draw and christmas swap session; I was asphyxiated with happiness. I got vouchers worth RM200, a small bonus as a newcomer, cute little gifts and a multi-function cooker. Woooot! Awh-some! Completing the happy day was a quiet, relax dinner with my closest friends at Chef & Brew located inside a mansion in Damansara Heights- one of the best place to get really good mushroom soup. MN and Eka both had fusion Bombay Chicken while Nadiah had lamb steak and yours truly has forgotten what she had after she sunk her teeth on a delicious moist chocolate cake that's her dessert.

Now this place has become one of my favorite simply for their mouth-watering food, simple superb ambience that reflects a rather high level of classy, sophistication. As a sister restaurant to Victoria Station, prices are pretty much the same but the quality might slightly be lower yet still delicious. They have a daily set menu at RM 16.90 that comes with a soup, main course, dessert & coffee/tea. The main course is changed daily with 2 choices to pick from. The dessert can either be a slice of cake or ice cream. Its a great alternative if I am in a budget-mood but in dire for good food.

Weekend was no exception - had a wonderful time with MN browsing around the malls searching for backpacking stuff. Got myself a discounted original Deuter that suits my budget, petiteness and pretty short torso. Good enough as a small preparation before I could really carry a heavier load. It sits comfortably on my shoulder and has a suspension system that allows quick, easy adjustment of torso length. Plenty of room for clothes and two lid pockets and side bellows pockets allow me to store often-accessed gear such as torchlight, my truckers cap, sunscreen, bug repellent and found treasures. I can really use this for a small hike or a lightweight backpacking trip. I might need a 45l if I intend to backpack further and longer.

I can't wait to hop on the train tomorrow, enjoy my bunk bed and toast to new year in a strange land. It's gonna be an awesome time catching sunrise on a coach.Wrapping up my last entry for 2009, here's wishing to yet another wonderful, healthy, joyful year for 2010.

Till next year, everyone :)


Image from luckygirllefty.

Tough Lesson

"I've learned this past year. I’ve changed, I’ve grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don’t. but no matter what, they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter, won’t care. I’ve learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I’ve learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have."

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year :)

The 30 Most Satisfying Simple Pleasure Life Has To Offer

1. Sleeping In on a Rainy Day – As the rain beats lightly against the window, you nestle your head deeper into your pillow. The sound is soothing and your bed feels like a sanctuary. There is no place you would rather be.
2. Finding Money You Didn’t Know You Had – You reach into your pocket and find a $20 bill from the last time you wore these jeans. You aren’t rich, but you are richer than you were a second earlier.
   
   
3. Making Brief Eye Contact with Someone of the Opposite Sex – You pass him/her on the street or in the subway. He/she glances up at you momentarily, making direct eye contact in a way that seems to communicate a subtle curiosity. For a split second it makes you think… and then it’s gone.
   
   
4. Skinny Dipping – There is something mysteriously liberating about being naked in a body of water. You are naked, but it feels natural, a sense of unrefined freedom.
   
   
5. Receiving a Real Letter or Package via Snail Mail – E-mail has become the primary source of written communication. Most snail mail these days is junk mail. When you check the mail and find a real letter or package from someone you know, excitement overtakes you as you tear into this rare gift.
   
   
6. Making the Yellow Light - It’s one of the most common simple pleasures, the act of beating the pack. As you blaze through the yellow light you glance in your rearview to see all the cars behind you stopping at the red light. Yes! You made it!
   
   
7. Telling a Funny or Interesting, True Story - One of the most enticing roles you lead in life is that of the storyteller. You love to share stories, especially those that will captivate your audience with deep curiosity and humor. There are few things more satisfying than telling a true story that others enjoy listening to.
   
   
8. Seeing a Friend Stumble Over Himself – As you walk across the street with your friend, he fails to accurately address the curb on the other side. He trips and stumbles around momentarily before regaining his footing, then swiftly attempts to play it off like nothing happened. This can be a hilarious sight if the moment is right.
   
   
9. Hearing the Right Song at the Right Moment - It doesn’t matter what the setting is, hearing the right song for that moment is one of those simple pleasures in life that instantly lifts your spirits. You could be driving home from work, hanging out at a bar with friends, or jogging. When the right song rattles your ear drums the entire meaning of life seems crystal clear.
   
   
10. The First Sip of a Beverage When You’re Thirsty – You just finished mowing the lawn or taking a long jog. The only thing on your mind is an ice-cold glass of water. When you are really, really thirsty, that first sip of any liquid beverage is sheer bliss.
    
    
11. Catching a Glimpse of Bare Skin on the Opposite Sex – For guys, it’s when the waitress bends over a little too far. For girls it’s seeing that buff guy in a Speedo. Either way, when you see a bit more skin than you were expecting on the opposite sex, you can’t help but to smirk on the inside.
    
    
12. Saying the Same Thing Simultaneously – There is a moment of silence. Then all of the sudden you and your friend blurt out the same exact set of words simultaneously. This rare occurrence is something to smile about.
    
    
13. The Pull-Through Parking Spot – You pull into a parking spot and are delighted to see the availability of the parking spot immediately in front of you. You pull through to the spot in front so that when you return to the car you can drive forward out of the parking spot. Why? Because driving backwards is a pain in the butt.
    
    
14. Realizing You Have More Time to Sleep – Something abruptly awakens you and you think it’s time to get up. Then you squint over at your alarm clock and realize you still have 2 more hours to sleep. A warm euphoric feeling shoots though your body as you glide gracefully back to your dreams.
    
    
15. People Watching – Sitting there on your bench you can see people in every direction. Tall people, small people, thin and plump. Blond, brunette, and redhead alike. Each of them has a different stride and a unique expression. As you drift from body to body you are mesmerized by what you see.
    
    
16. Putting On Clothes Straight from the Dryer – As soon as the dryer buzzes, you pull out your clothes and put them on. They feel soothingly warm on your skin and emit a fresh-scented aroma into the air. A sentiment of ease comes over you as you head out to conquer the day.
    
    
17. A Familiar Smell – You just pulled into your parent’s driveway and opened the car door. You haven’t been home in a long while. You smell familiarity in the air, the scent of a large pine tree in the neighbor’s yard. As you head through the front door, more familiar smells consume your senses. Gosh, it feels good to be home…
    
    
18. The Feeling You Get When Your Idea Works – You have been struggling to resolve a complex problem all day and you just can’t seem to get it right. Filled with frustration, you decide to exercise one last idea before calling it a night. You’ve had many ideas before that failed miserably… but this time it works.
    
    
19. Fresh, Clean Bed Sheets – You yank at the corner of the bedspread to create just enough space to slide your body under the freshly cleaned sheets. The sheets feel cool to the touch. Everything seems so clean, like nobody has ever slept in this bed before.
    
    
20. A Beautiful View – As the car veers around the side of the mountain you gaze out the passenger window. It’s a clear, sunny day and you can see the entire valley below filled with wild flowers and bright green vegetation. The scenery reminds you of something you once saw in National Geographic. But here it is live, right before your eyes.
    
    
21. Reminiscing About Old Times with Your Closest Friends – Pink Floyd once said “the memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime”. There is no simple pleasure more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.
    
    
22. Receiving an Unexpected Compliment – It’s been an average day. Nothing really great has happened, but nothing terrible occurred either. This monotonous day has put you in a dreary mood. Unexpectedly, an older, attractive lady taps you on the shoulder, calls you “handsome” and says she loves your shirt. The day just got a whole lot better.
    
    
23. Having a Good Laugh – Laughter is the greatest cure of all. Life is extraordinary in the moments when you are laughing so hard you can barely breathe. These moments of deep laughter are divine in the sense that they cleanse your mood and set your mind on a positive track.
    
    
24. The Feeling After a Healthy Workout - It’s a giddy feeling of self accomplishment; the one true activity that actually makes you feel better and look better simultaneously. When you walk out the front door of the gym you are on top of the world.
    
    
25. The Celebration in the Instant Something Makes Sense – Even now that it has explained to you for the third time, you just don’t understand how it works. Everyone else seems to understand but you. Then out of the blue the dots connect in your mind. You finally get it, and it feels great!
    
    
26. Relaxing Outdoors on a Sunny Day – As you relax sprawled out in a lawn chair, the sun warms your skin and a light breeze keeps the temperature comfortable. Birds are chirping merrily in the trees behind you. You are at complete peace with the environment.
    
    
27. Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special.
    
    
28. Playing in the Water – Water marvels people of all ages. From jumping in puddles as a child, to doing cannon balls in the pool as an adolescent, to enjoying a cocktail in the Jacuzzi as an adult… water is enjoyable.
    
    
29. Making Someone Smile – You notice that your colleague has been under a great deal of stress with meeting a deadline, so you take it upon yourself to complete one of her indirect responsibilities for her. As soon as she realizes what you did, she comes into your office with a big smile on her face. “Thank you”, she says. You just hit two birds with one stone, because making her smile just made your day.
    
    
30. Finishing What You Started – You just finished up a big project you’ve been working on for the last few months, or maybe you just finished your first marathon… Either way, you finalized what you set out to accomplish. The feeling of self accomplishment you get when you finish what you started is by far one of the most rewarding simple pleasures life has to offer.

Something for the morning :)

Interested In Baking?

Just helping out a friend here who's looking around for a part-time baking assistant. Ellie used to bake for my birthday and wedding so have a look at her blog and look around, will ya? :)

Date: 31 Dec & 1 Jan
Time: 8.00am - 6.00pm
Salary: RM85 for 2 days
Lunch provided
Female Only!

A very happy new year to all my moslem friends. What are you up to this holiday? Am driving back to my hometown for some good ol' hearty breakfast ala Muarian - satay pagi, mee rebus, lontong...oh my. Gonna visit some family and old friends too. I can't wait!

Cult Movies + Pinata

Had a pretty fantastic weekend entertaining myself with simple pleasures called cult movies and pinatas. MN and I decided to chill at home on Sunday and we ended up having more fun indoor than outdoor.

MN introduced me to cult movies and to my surprise, I was hooked and absolutely love it! Clerks II is awesome. Every part of this movie is worth watching and Kevin Smith really plays to the fans of his films. This movie is hailed as an icon of indie films and boy, it is chock full of clever retorts and smutty commentary that knock some sense into my head.

I have not watch the first sequel of this movie which according to MN, was shot entirely in black&white, but I can tell that the two sequels are pretty excellent together. Its basically about two underachieving twosome moving on from working in a convenient store called Quick Stop to frying burgers at Mooby's. Their lives revolve around trash talk and throwing around crude sexual humor as a way of passing the time at the joint. One of them, Dante is quitting Jersey for Florida to wed his typical rich fiance, Emma but somehow, his plan gets complicated along the way because of his devotion to his manager, Becky.

Two reasons why I like Clerks II are because it is sincere and for the reason that Jay and Silent Bob are totally comical to the max. Kudos to Kevin Smith for bringing it back after 12 years.



Another movie that I watched was Zombieland; another great laugh after Shaun of The Dead and Army of Darkness. I'm not a fan of Army of Darkness but if to compare between Shaun of The Dead and Zombieland, I still prefer Shaun of The Dead. What's lacking, as MN would aptly put, is that Zombieland doesn't quite seem to fit as yet another cult-zombie-movies. However, Zombieland stand on its own style and has quite a solid storyline which I love.



Between sexy-looking vampires and freaky-funny zombies, I'll pick the latter any day now.

I can't wait to go home and smash some pinatas tonight. Made them on Sunday and trust me, its actually pretty simple to do! Rather than buying it ridiculously for a hundred bucks, this brightly-colored papier-mache thats gonna be smashed in the end, can be made in a few easy steps!



Here's one website complete with vids that I found very helpful. Perhaps, you too wanna make your own pinata? I'll share how my pinatas look like in the next entry :)

Happiness Follow When..

Once there was an old alley cat walking down the street looking for his dinner. As he walked along he came upon a beautiful young cat who was running around in circles chasing her tail. Around and around she went trying as hard as she could to catch her tail.

The old alley cat stopped and asked her, “What are you doing?” The young cat slowed down and replied that she had been taught that joy, happiness, success and luck were all in the tip of her tail.

“All that I have to do is catch the end of my tail, and I will have the happy life, she said.

The old alley cat replied, “I’ve been around for a long time, and I know that joy, happiness, success and luck are in the tip of my tail; but, you know if I don’t chase it and work my very hardest and don’t worry about it, the happy life follows me wherever I go. My tail follows me everywhere, so I don’t need to chase it.”

Happiness isn’t a place, a time, or a possession. You have to make it happen. The ways to make it happen is to stop worrying about everything and just go about your business, and do your very best. Then, if you really work hard, your happiness will follow you just like the alley cat’s tail.

Taken from m-altruism.