The Year For The Tigers

Have you ever feel as if you’re fighting in a never-ending war?

It feels very much like it at my end. Everyday is a crisis. Fights start as soon as the sun rises in the morning and when the fall of night begins, I’m already back at the forte, hiding from and ready for any ambush whilst licking my wound at a corner.

And I’m still here. Something I really am grateful for.

When the big war took place on a peaceful Monday night last couple of weeks, I gathered all the strength I have in me and face the ugly truth – Mom’s life is at risk. She was critical with three ruptures in her aorta that can cost her, her life. I brave myself to the hospital at four in the morning to be with her before the surgery. I held her hand in mine as she was being taken to the surgery room. She smiled and not a single worry or fear showed up on her face. I kissed her good luck and she returned it with a little, happy wave. The kind of gesture she always gives after I plant her goodbye kisses on the forehead.

Victory approached when mom survived a beautiful 5 and a half hour’s open-heart surgery under one of the best cardiothoracic team. It was a beautiful surgery, one of the best for this year, the surgeons said. Everything went well for mom, as Allah made it all smoothly done for His humble human. Alhamdullilah, I feel modest with such gratefulness. I can never thank Him enough as well as the 6 surgeons who have helped saved my mom.

She is the first survivor in the country for such surgery, who lives to tell everyone to never stop believe in Allah’s miracle, to always be thankful for everything, to love and be loved and knows that we human has our own little hero inside of us ready to get out there and fight.

I’ve never seen her stop fighting. Every battle scars she carries are proves that with courage and love in her, triumph is always hers. And she fights it single-handedly.

That day, she proves that giving up is never an option for her.

Every minute of my war, I keep on thinking – can I be a warrior like her? I am nothing next to her. I am a scared little soldier right now. One minor stroke that happened to mom yesterday sent me straight to the ground. I crumbled and couldn’t even bear to face her. I wasn’t prepared for any attack and one single blow left me shattered to pieces.

I was disappointed with myself for not being there when she had her stroke and was sent to the emergency room. I was saddened with mostly everything. I was even more ashamed for being weak and upset.

But this morning as I lie awake in my bed, I thought of my mom and how much she had gone through in her life. Twenty eight years ago, my mom fought it through to see me alive. And wrapped up in an unmeasurable amount of grace and bravery; I too have denied everyone’s fact that I’m not gonna make it to the world. Out of seven pre-mature babies who didn’t make it on November 25th 1982, I survived to show my mom that I didn’t let her down. One tiny cry was all it took to see her smiled in agreement. I have so much more appreciation of her than I ever did.

And for this, I know whatever life has installed for me; I'll be ready to fight it off and take the courage of my mom as strength to pull myself up, stand my ground and say "No, dear life. You're not taking me down that easily."