It’s pretty upset that my laptop was in KL while I was in Muar. I can’t blog. Well, I did manage to type in something, minutes before I took off to Muar, but sadly, it couldn’t be uploaded because of three main reasons:
I’m too lazy to go to any cyber cafes because I’m too lazy to scratch a parking ticket.
I’m too lazy to park my car.
I’m too lazy to find a coin to scratch a parking ticket.
Okay, so I’m just all slothful and sluggish. But I did try to upload them using my cousin’s pc yesterday however oh however; the blogger was down for maintenance.
A friend msg-ed me earlier; “Ibah, how’s life?”
And I replied, well…I didn’t replied actually. That’s a one question I find very hard to answer these days.
I mean, if I am to answer such question, I will give a specific reply with in depth meaning of what is going on in my life right now and how I beyond doubt want it to be. And that might take me more than five extensive sms-es, so I replied nothing. Sometimes nothing is more powerful, more communicative than something. It is the spaces between things that define them.
Well, life…life is noisy these days. All day long, we are bombarded by music, by machine noises, by the chatter of others, by televisions in the background, by ringing, buzzing, beeping technology. Yet how often do we actually stop and listen to the world? If we close our eyes, and listen to distant children’s voices, bird’s chirping, to our own heartbeat, maybe we would realize how much we’ve actually missed.
I’ve missed out plenty on everything, often I let great moments pass me by. Do you?
Most of us does, some might agree with me, some might just keep things to themselves or silently nod their head in consent.
Don’t let the moments pass you by, they say. How the heck do we even know when to stop them and say please don’t go? If only we could, if only we could, I would have everything and everyone I love with me right now.
I hang out with a friend, Ez last few days. Out of boredom, I dragged him along for a shoot in Sg Rambai. He asked me; “You nak shoot apa?” I replied; “Sawah.” “What for?” For a moment, I have no answer to that as well. Later on, I replied “I could send the photos for competition or as my portfolio.” Maybe I did answer him with poise as he stopped asking me about my sole purpose of shooting some paddy that look more like long coarse grass. Perhaps Ez was right about something: I could make a calendar with the paddy field photos. Hah. Go me. Here are some of the photos I took.
.this shadow of a coconut tree keeps running away.
.picturesque.
.dusk. the day is ending.
You see, nowadays, if I feel like doing something, I would just do it instantly. I just take a deep breath, have a stiff sip of drink, say a quick prayer, whatever, then just get down to it. At first, it may look as if my action seems meaningless (to everyone) but later on I believe it might turn into a something. If I feel like shooting some sawah padi, I just shoot. If I don’t feel like talking, I keep quiet. It might do some good for me as well as to others. Somehow, someway…someday.
I just let myself fall free into my own realm. Deep, deep, deep into the hole where nobody could ever find me. That way I am safe from being hurt. I hear less noise here, see less of the world’s cruelty and think more of the things I believe in. It’s dark and cold but it’s out of harm's way.
*I’m safe down here, mommy*
But I do hope someday, a right person would lend a hand and pull me out all right.
Wtf am I going to be eating whilst down there? Only those shifty, scuttling rodents in the undergrowth. Hah.
.eugh.
Is it okay to have no answer towards people’s question? (People might think I’m stupid.)
Is it okay to just keep quiet and not talking all day? (People might think I’m weird.)
Is it okay to gossip and gossip and gossip? (People might think I’m a b***h.)
Is it okay to ignore what others might say about me? (People might think I’m arrogant.)
Well, there’s not even one good way to satisfy people’s need. It’s how you define who you are, live and believe it that matters the most.
I am what I am and that is fine.
I may contain multitude. A huge number of meanings attached to it. It’s hard to explain to people why I do this and why I am like that because they will accept diverse sense from what I elucidate. I may put my explanation in plain words but it might get tangled here and there.
Last night I was thinking about how hard it is to stay in my own skin. People try to catapult me into another aspect of myself and let me dwell there a while. I want to ‘be me’, to express that me-ness and yet it is so varied, so paradoxical and divergent. There’s me as a daughter, sister, friend. Designer, freelancer, amateur. Student, know-it-all and idiot. I’m just the freakiest of all mutated freaks.
Perhaps, one day, Ito and Ez will stop questioning me why I keep silence now and then. I feel bad when I answer them lame reply like “I’m thinking about my ex or I’m thinking about As. Or I’m trying to find a new place so that my ex won’t stalk me or I’m trying to fix my broken heart here by meditating silently, you guys.” I guess they had enough of this already. I feel utterly awful when I keep quiet but feel so biatch at the same time if I talk too much *scratch head* I am seriously horrific in this communicating thing (especially if it involves more than one person).As far as I never question why they have to puff some smoke into my eyes or why they reply only two sentences to my lengthy sms-es, everything would be fine if they let me be. Haha.
.the picture taken before I jump into the river for fun.Because men and women don’t come from the same planet, we have different demeanour. Both sexes often draw some subtle barriers through their relationship together, imposing restrictions often through sheer inertia. Men smoke to look cool. Women cry to show emotions. Men decide silently with rationale, women on the other hand often react expressively with intuition. Men don’t listen, women can’t read maps. Vice versa.
And this is why couples fight. *wink* It’s hard to find parallel and understanding between both sexes. Men want appreciation and women needs affection. Blah blah blah.
.and how glad I am for being single.
This is the best shot so far.
.classic huh?.
Out of few stupid snaps, this one did turn out to be something.
Have a nice day, everyone.
Living my life pathetically happy.
__Ib
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