.and this is my dream.

i know...it's still going to be a long journey for me, to achieve my dream. but i know i will own it, one day.

my own studio.

no matter how hard, no matter how the going gets tough and the tough gets going, i'll try whatever that i could, to have it. and i wont let anything or anyone to step in my way. i once ended my 5 years relationship (and i'm so so sorry to have to do it, i was being selfish i know) in order to pursue my dreams to be a photographer. i guess, i was being too ambitious at the time, greedy a bit, just because i was so eager to accomplish my dream. well, i lost 'something' great but i gained a lot too. i found myself, and i found great friends.

from the first day i started to study in limkokwing, i had a hunch that it's not going to be that easy coz it's not really what i want to do with my life. i know, education is important, degree could guarantee a better salary than what my ex-boss was paying me yadda yadda. i did it anyway, for my mom, him and my family. as a year passed me by, i realized what i did best in my life, and i wanted to make something out of it.

and that is photography.

i always knew, that photography is my life. i've been taking photos since i was a kid. i love design, yeah, but the satisfaction of snapping photos couldnt beat anything else. so when i got my first cheque of RM3000, all i wanted to do was to buy a dslr. i shared the dreams with him, i was so excited that i think i nearly fainted when he kinda disagree with the idea. it broke my heart. i thought, wouldnt it be great? to shoot, save up the money we got and pursue our dreams of working together? we were always a great partner. i gave him up, the relationship and the dreams, just because. i bought my nephew a piano with the money, hoping that he would continue my love in music. (haziq had his first concert few months back :) )

but as i thought nobody would ever support me with my photography thing, God proved it that i might be wrong. he sent me someone who stole my photos from my flickr and made it his wallpaper. the guy told me that i shot great photos. my heart skipped a beat, and i started to shoot more and more photos ever since. i thought 'if i could reach out to this guy with a silly sunset photo, i could reach out to more people with more other good photos! he was my hero, i was in the verge of giving up when i got the msg. he did 'saved my life'. ^-^ and we were buddies since.

last sunday, i got another wedding job (after much attempts of scoring one) and my spirit lift up again. i thought to myself, i can do this. i can have my own studio. i can be like kid chan, and people will pay me rm3k for a full day photography job. and i'll be the most sought after photographer and i'll be listed '100 people you must know in Asia'.

like what Riz once told me, 'girl, you'll never know what you got until you got it.'

deep down, i have to agree. meeting him up was the one thing i did right after all the miserable foolish attempts of 'getting it right'. hey, i have my 'semangat' again!

lol.


Living my life pathetically happy.
__ib

.my faith, my spirit.

i was in doubt.

and i seek him for advice. no one knows me better than he does.

he always has faith in me, i know.

to say, the only person who really 'see' me, understands me, and maybe, just maybe, loves me, it has to be him.

today, i put my ego aside, lowered it to the bottom ground and talk to him, heart to heart.

and my spirit lift up.

it is all that i need. at a time like this, where spirits slipping away slowly, he hands it back to me, gently. when i felt so 'little' around other people, he is the one who always proud of me even if i cant seem to do anything right. when i am so tired of explaining myself to everyone, he just sit there and smile and i know i dont need to explain to him about anything.

that big black cloud you see on top of my head, is not there when he is with me. with him, i'm ibah.

'everything is going to be alright, you can do it. i always know you can.'

with him, i can do anything.

:)

thank you, best friend.


Living my life pathetically happy.
__ib

.numb.

ouch!

it hurts. it hurts so much i can't feel a thing.

Living my life pathetically happy.
__ib

.lomo freak-o.

Went to KLpac last Saturday with a bunch of fun loving friends. It was my first visit and I have to say the place is aweeee-h-some! A sanctuary place for art lovers. With the quiet surrounding, lakes, colonial looking building, it’s just haven. Pity we didn’t get the chance to stay long and missed the photography workshop but it was fun to escape from getting fined.

Heading towards Jln Pinang, we, again, lost our way (I didn’t know lah when we’ll ever understand KL routes, hopefully after series of attempts). After two years of being a lomo fan, I finally got the chance to visit Lomography Exhibition held in Galleriiizu. The exhibition was indeed great with a small circle of lomography lovers sharing their gadgets, photos and lomo stories. Fiddled with some of the toys. I always want a colorsplash and action sampler, humph and I shouldn’t have sold my Holga, humph. There’s a new lomo baby in town, a limited edition of Action Sampler, designed by err I forgot the name sorry, and it’s in pink. Very flash-y. The organizer was friendly, lots of photos of us has been taken, will update the url soon and you can check out our ‘menyibuk’ faces up on their website. I’ve been forgetting about lomo since I got my own digital camera a year back. And to see the lomo photos, just bring memories of ‘lomo fever’ during my Brontosaurus years. Was hoping to bump into Limkokwing's lomo lovers like Hidayah, Eric and all but none of them was there.

Thank you Muzzo and Zatyl for bringing me along ^-^

Followed Azuar to his group's breakfast meeting at Dome. Good to meet some old friends, JC, Ajon and Serge. JC is a lomo fan as well, if I'm not mistaken.

Well, that's it for today kids! You can go watch tv now.

Living my life pathetically happy.
__ib

.and when the sun rises.

[ oh how i missssss my blog so much! ]

Went to the sunrise jazzfest last friday with my partner-in-crime and his two lovely friends, the adorable doll zatil and cool hip haris. It was a tiring day actually, started from 8.30 am where I had to consult lecturers, went to classes and did presentation. Had lunch with my long-time-no-see sister, Along. Gossiping and bitching was our thang to do for the rest of the evening. I was in the state of torn apart - either go back to Cheras or just lazying around in the deadly Cyberjaya; when Muzzo sms me up.

"Wanna go to the Jazz fest?"

The annual jazz event is back yet again, promising three weekends of a fusion of premier contemporary and classic jazz performances. From jazz veterans along to some new blood industry, this fest is a great place to 'get-to-know jazz'. I am a new jazz lover, tired of L'arc-en-ciel, so surely i wont be missing this!

It was a blast. Though we missed Rentak K.amy and Mr Gambus, Tinderbox surely swap us off our feet with their own composed songs as well as the 'Dancing in September' Tinderbox version that could make Earth,Wind and Fire sobbing in tears. Everyone was on the groove and hands were up in the air. 'a ba de ya...say do you remember. ba de yay...dancing in september..never was a cloudy day...' (i dont know what so special about september...'dancing in september'...'wake me up when september ends' sheessh. hehe jgn marah muzz.) Now i know i am more into contemporary jazz, than the slow ones like Diana Krall which is too mellow.

anyway.

Muzzo and I agreed on one thing: though Malaysia actually have really great musicians, jazz singers, talents talents talents,even our own version of Vanessa Mae who plays the Irish-like piece greatly, Malaysia do not have the market for this aspiring talents to showcase their ability. Malaysians just dont buy jazz cds like they buy Mawi's. Pitiful.

Headed off to Hartamas Square for supper and I can't help but to order balitong and persuade Zatil and Haris to taste 'em. Haven't eaten my favorite balitong for so longgggg! Actually, i havent been out that much anymore. And to finally meet the ever famous Zatil and Haris of Uniten, i have to say, it was the best night out so far. I have to say, they are so lovely and nice i have to fall in love with the two. Nice, warm people....what else could i need? I think i'll post up the photos for viewing once i got my hand on a pc.

Oh yeah okay...i have to say this coz i'm not shoving off this one person who is likely to be quite important in my life right now, carrying the legacy of being one of my good friend, Muzzafar. Thanks muzz. For all you've done for me these past few weeks. And you've shown me what friend really is that night: great company, great conversation, great music, great introduction of new friends, great warm hug.There...i'm not gonna be mellow or whatever so Muzz dont forget to burn me the jazz collection of yours okay. *piak*

I'm at the cc and funnily....there's no bombing sound in the air. Where have all the kids gone? And is that a...cute guy......in a....blue uniform.....

Shit. I got a parking ticket.



Living my life pathetically happy.
__Ib