.talk about love.

Wiping her tears and blowing her nose, my friend, in between sobs, asked: "What does he sees in that girl? Am i not pretty enough? Am i not smart enough? Tell me, do you think he dumped me because i'm fat?"

"No, i dont think thats the case." i answered, blithely.

"I cant believe he left me for that skanky skinny b***h! Tell me, ib, what do men want?"

Oh dear, even in my most vivid memories of having strings of relationships, i am still very much clueless to what men want as my friend whose eyes now look like its bloating out of its socket. Mind her, her boyfriend (or asshole as she coldly calls him) left her for a 22 year old skinny Uitm undergrad.

I dont mean to malign my female friend here; to be frank, she has my deepest sympathy, because truth is that to know what is going on inside a man's head is indeed hard-hitting. I, myself still looking for the right password to crack the code. My friend outburst earlier on what it meant to be a Malaysian woman in this 21st century: nothing is ever enough.

It is not enough to have a pretty face, she has to be a supermodel at that. It is not enough to be a miss smarty pants as she often quarrel with her ex over who's smarter. In additional, being the only daughter of a rich businessman, she gave him everything money can buy, only for him to exploits it all and scoots off to date a failing undergrad. Oh, and did i tell you that she's a great chef in the kitchen and such an all time sweetie? That too, according to the grapevine, is not enough.

A few days back I spent an evening with three guy friends. They share the same thing: rich and good-looking...and all three have Filipino as girlfriends. So, i asked "whats wrong with Malaysians?"

"They are bitches. They cheat. They're just after our money."

"So, the Filipino doesnt?" i wonder at their ridiculous logic.

They mumbled some stupid useless pieces of informations that i am more than willing not to hear.

I wonder what happen to love nowadays. Hell, in this harsh cruel world we live in now, what is love?

Think, people fell in love for different sets of reasons. It can be the looks, the brain, prospect, security. Some even choose to love blindly while others list out '99 list of Ideal Guy/Gal' to live by. Oh, dont ever ask me about my list. I have none. I leave it to my heart to decide when the right time comes. It sure knows better. For the time being, heart is on vacation and love still very much absent.

I like to think of myself as a bit old-fashioned. Instead of reading my suppose to be list of ideal boyfriend as a guideline (okay so i used to have one), i chunk it all away and fell in love for the tiny little details that my eyes could notice, say, the way he shake the salts off his fries, the way his eyes grow big when he eagerly tells me a joke he read online or when his ears turns red on a hot day and the list goes on.

But, you get what i mean, right? Besides, I cant read manuals.

So, if so and so says that i am with this guy because he is so and so and so or that i should be with that guy because according to their personal guides, it should be because he is so and so and so and that i am so and so and so that we so suit each other, well, its bonkers. Love isnt something you make up on your mind or what you plan on a piece of paper. It is something that you feel in your heart. Something that is real and you cant live without. If it happen for the wrong reason, say, because one wants to be a datin or because he is a genius that you just need to be with him to make you feel smart or simply because that you have this idea of liking guys wearing baju kotak-kotak you think you need to fell for the type, than i feel sorry for those who fell for the stupid ideas. They sure miss out a lot.

I fell in love with my goofy giant when he roars in the morning. And because he is so big he will knock all his stuff off on his way to the bathroom. He has a pet named 'monster' and sometimes goofy giant, monster and i will wrestle on the bed and laugh our heart out. Ah, lovely days they were. Goofy giant is my ex, mind you.

Love is simple. Only that we human sometimes sets hurdles and make matters worse. But its undeniable that with love comes other things as responsibility and expectations. Its up to us how to make it a happily ever after.

As for my friend, as much as she wants to weep and wail and whine,questioning every living details of what men want, i hope she will snap out of it soon, dust herself off, chin up and just get on with it. Life is so short to waste on such uncertainties.

A short poem, or haiku as the japanese calls it, by Kobayashi Issa:

Having slept,
the cat gets up, yawns,
goes out to make love.

If only love is as subtle and simple as haiku.