.my life of late.

is well...mundane.

Life is getting me down.
So very busy with work.
Pressure. Pressure. Pressure.
Feeling very unhealthy and sad.
Finally got a room to rent in. Finally.
Drank too much coffee the past five days.
Annoyed with some people at the workplace.
Keep telling own self to take it easy, but to no avail.
Secretly wanna knock the slow walking people on their head.
Keep misplacing car keys, house keys, handphone, touch card.
Wondering if memory is failing due to coffee consumption as this is the third day cannot recall what happened last weekend.

LAST WEEKEND! NOW I REMEMBER!

Watched Atilia's live performance at wine room with sweet friends. How can i forget leyy?? But now that the vibe is kinda over, cant really blog the story in as i....cant...remember...how...it was...like *long pause* but twas great and fun, am sure.

Note to self: coffee...two is fine. three is already too much. five? you nuts.

Cant wait for ramadhan. Hopefully, its gonna be a blissfull one, as always, and that the bulan yang penuh mulia dan kerahmatan will help me to pick myself up again and be happy, insya Allah.

Something is missing from my life, right now...but what is it that is amiss? That question lingers in my mind for the past couple of days. I can feel the emptiness, i feel hollow and i feel all sorts of sadness swirling around me. Feel like i'm standing right on the edge waiting for the right time to jump. And fly.

Only that, i'm afraid of flying.

This matter came as quite a surprise for me as I thought I’ve answered it perfectly. But then when I start ponder a little deeper, and consulted my inner feelings I began to realize that something is wrong, there is one little missing in the puzzle. Similar frustration overcome all my emotions, I began to madly search for the answer to why I am doing anything at all.

And you know whats funny? Okay, maybe i'm the only one who think its funny. Ehem. Men; no matter how much we love them, pamper them, mollycoddle 'em like a sick child or cook them great food ala nigella, if they dont want you...nothing, (and i mean nothing with a capital N) will make them stay.

But..

those men who really loves you, no matter how you'll try to push 'em away...they'll keep coming back. Meaning that, he is yours to keep. And hell, yea...keep him, keep those who loves you.

And the funny side is, no matter how i cry this out loud to myself.....i can never understand the whole process, keep forgetting it and always always fell for the wrong person and hurt my own feelings.

This, my dear friends, is the reason why.....i do not want to get too close to any guys and rip open my heart for them. Not this time. I know the trick, i know the crap, i know all the consequences...i pratically know my bullshit.

Not even sweet charms can woo me.

I dont wanna get hurt. Dont hurt me and i wont hurt you in return. Love me? stay. You dont? Move away. Easy.

Aper lah yang aku membebel ni?

But then again, after all these whimpering...the one person who hold the remote control to be in the command of everything thats been spinning madness....is me.

So, ib. Patience. Control yourself. For your own good, sweetie.