of photography.

My best friend Salmi often reminds me of my dream job when I was in high school; to be a fighter pilot. Honestly, I myself never remember about it but it’s one of our favorite subject to mention every time we hang out. ‘Ibah nak jadi fighter pilot,’ she would often says. Me? A fighter pilot? Crazy, innit?

When I was in kindergarten, I wanted to be a painter.
When I was in primary school, I wanted to be a cartoonist.
When I was in high school, I wanted to be a fighter pilot.
When I got my first boyfriend at age sixteen, I wanted to be a writer.
When I was about to hit college, I wanted to be a fashion designer.

But now at age twenty five, I am juggling (even though struggling seems to be the better term) between two professions: designer and photographer. I am not a cartoonist or a fighter pilot nor am I a fashion designer.

Do you still remember when you’re a kid? You want to be everything. You want to be a part of this world; participate in causes, fight for your rights, dip your toe in one job and try another. But as you get older, you sail yourself towards one direction and you cruise swiftly. You know how to handle the wind and not afraid of the storm. You, shall I put it in one word; grow up.

And growth never stops. It strengthen your root, just like an oak tree.

I hope I am growing myself upward in terms of work. Branch out more skills and creativity. Looking out for the sunlight to seek development. It has been a worrying subject for me the past few months. I am lucky enough, however, to be surrounded by creative friends who have been a great help. They inspire me in their own special way. I had an interesting conversation with Adrian last Friday over fries and coke. Of future plans, of family, of religion and belief, of what we seek in life. ‘What’s your dream, Ibah?’, he asked.

The question leads me back to my memories as a kid; of all the dream jobs I wanted to be involved in. It took me a deep breath before I could answer him. As he listened to my part of stories, he smiled and told me ‘go ahead and do it.’

I wanted to believe that photography is my destiny. To be able to follow this passion of mine, even crawling, is more than fortunate for me. To be able to do it as both hobby and work, is a big bonus. I see myself as someone without any highly skill except for the basic shutter and speed knowledge. All I care about is how my end result would look like; ‘Does my photograph capture the emotions that I want to convey?’ The whole years I’ve been working on my photography skill, the vital thing I’ve learnt throughout my involvement in photography is the ability to see something beyond the generic.

This ability, is it a talent that could be mastered or is it already within oneself? I have to say, it’s a mixture of both. Nowadays, everyone can take photographs. Photos of some written words on the wall, abandon building through tall grasses, movement of people on the street; as long as one takes it using a camera, it is considered a photography. So how do you differentiate a normal photograph with an extraordinary one?

It could be the color.
Or the dramatic mono treatment.
The subject. The angle.
The one tiny piece of thing that the ordinary eyes could miss.
It could even be a blend of all of these elements.

I have spent a lot of time looking at hundreds of pictures trying to figure out the apparatus of producing a magnificent piece. I believe that one have to be genuine with photography. From the heart, through the lens and out comes undisputable real photographs. Every other things are just mechanics.

To this date, I have enjoy myself photographing all manners of things, from architectural to products shoots to nudity. From films to digital, from producing images using darkroom to experimenting with digital darkroom, I have taken great personal pleasure in all of them. I too, have gone through stages of criticism from respectable peers along the way to which I built much clearer understanding on photography.

To recount my childhood reverie of being a fighter pilot, do check out my series of catching airplanes at KLIA last weekend in my flickr. My career may not be as jet-setting, but photography remains a happy pursuit, imaginary and always a worthwhile journey.