.the tag game.

Chronicle: This is no price tag.

And so i've been tag by dear dD. macam passing baton larian 4 x 100 meter plaks. okay here goes some crap.

A - 8 different points of a perfect lover.

Aaah. Perfect question for a perfect timing ey? Now now lets see.

1 – Honesty
What more can a guy give than this one most crucial thing in a relationship? Like I said, it’s the sexiest thing a man can give to us woman.

2 – Originality
I don’t date some stupid idiotic moron who can be such a fake plastic limau purut tree. One must posses a great individuality of his own persona, not mimicking some other person’s traits (esp not a brad pitt’s)

3 – Humor
If I don’t laugh during the first date with him, then I’m not going to be available to see him for the next date.

4 – Self respect
He should respect himself by respecting others that surrounds him. Not an egoist. There’s a difference between self respect and being such a blardy ego.

5 – Beauty in his own words
He should have the ability to see beauty others (including myself) don’t see. To see the beauty in everything – in a flicker of neon lights, in children’s blinking eyes etc. That way, he can fathom the inner beauty he sees in me. And therefore, love me for me *grins*

6 – Knowledgeable
He must be well informed with everything there is to know as I’m such a lazy bum to find out stuff. Knowing stuff means he has the intellectuality to hold my whole attention. Besides, a guy who constantly wants to learn is very sexy. He doesn’t have to be a geek, enough by loving to read *wink*

7 – Physically interesting
Tall, dark and handsome. Ooh so cliché of me. Plus a great pair of eyes that kills me with a stare *melts*

8 – Complete and utter acceptance of me in his life
One of the most crucial thing in finding Mr Right. Having me in his life meaning he should without a doubt realize that he has to accept a 24 year old paranoid lady and bear with her total paranoia activity e.g chasing clouds and shadows, paints the sky with her middle finger and signalling the UFO’s with the lighter.

B – Sex of the target :
Erm. Male? (duh)

C – Tag 8 victims

Abby
Mun
Yat
Snow (sorry sorry I ran out of names)

And like dD…I can only came up with four victims…huhuh. It took me four blardy hours to write this thing. Man, finding a perfect lover is harder than breeding one. Hah.

And the funny thing is, out of those 8 points, none of my exes posses one. Hah. Dream on, Ib.


Living my life pathetically happy.
__Ib

.the stalker.

Chronicle: The move on already!

To kinkyboy.

I think i know who you are, but mind me if i get the wrong person. If you are who I think you are, this particular message is for you.

Please stop reading my blog this instant.
Please stop stalking me and my whole life.
Please stop watching me from afar.
Please stop searching and looking for me.
Please stop messaging me here in my blog or whatsoever.
Please stop saying you miss me when you actually don't even have feelings for me.
Please move on with your life and your new girlfriend, fahima.

I so dont like people stalking me, sending me messages here in my blog, adding me in their YM list without me knowing who they actually are because i have my own private space in life and i dont like to be disturbed by whosoever.

I need to move on. And i want to move on by myself, without anyone pestering me all the way.

And i've told you a thousand times, when you left me for her, I already had one foot forward to walk away from you. And when it's agreeable that you said you don't need me, you don't love me, then by all means please move on with your life with her (referring to her words : "sesungguhnya cintaku hanya milikmu, ruzaini) and never look back because I NEED TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE AND I DONT WANT YOU TO BE A PART OF IT ANYMORE. and you asked for it, right? :)

okay?

and i dont want to trouble myself re-directing my blog, my YM, my flickr etc etc just to walk away. plz dont burden me as such. i blog for my own satisfaction, please respect that. i dont give a damn about your life anymore so dont give a damn about mine. i can live and i will live it well, thanks to you.

i appreciate your co-operation very much.

Let me dwell in my own comfort of loneliness.


Living my life pathetically happy.
__Ib

.the boredom.

Chronicle: The two and a half days of a complete ennui.


It’s pretty upset that my laptop was in KL while I was in Muar. I can’t blog. Well, I did manage to type in something, minutes before I took off to Muar, but sadly, it couldn’t be uploaded because of three main reasons:

I’m too lazy to go to any cyber cafes because I’m too lazy to scratch a parking ticket.
I’m too lazy to park my car.
I’m too lazy to find a coin to scratch a parking ticket.

Okay, so I’m just all slothful and sluggish. But I did try to upload them using my cousin’s pc yesterday however oh however; the blogger was down for maintenance.

A friend msg-ed me earlier; “Ibah, how’s life?”

And I replied, well…I didn’t replied actually. That’s a one question I find very hard to answer these days.

I mean, if I am to answer such question, I will give a specific reply with in depth meaning of what is going on in my life right now and how I beyond doubt want it to be. And that might take me more than five extensive sms-es, so I replied nothing. Sometimes nothing is more powerful, more communicative than something. It is the spaces between things that define them.

Well, life…life is noisy these days. All day long, we are bombarded by music, by machine noises, by the chatter of others, by televisions in the background, by ringing, buzzing, beeping technology. Yet how often do we actually stop and listen to the world? If we close our eyes, and listen to distant children’s voices, bird’s chirping, to our own heartbeat, maybe we would realize how much we’ve actually missed.

I’ve missed out plenty on everything, often I let great moments pass me by. Do you?

Most of us does, some might agree with me, some might just keep things to themselves or silently nod their head in consent.

Don’t let the moments pass you by, they say. How the heck do we even know when to stop them and say please don’t go? If only we could, if only we could, I would have everything and everyone I love with me right now.

I hang out with a friend, Ez last few days. Out of boredom, I dragged him along for a shoot in Sg Rambai. He asked me; “You nak shoot apa?” I replied; “Sawah.” “What for?” For a moment, I have no answer to that as well. Later on, I replied “I could send the photos for competition or as my portfolio.” Maybe I did answer him with poise as he stopped asking me about my sole purpose of shooting some paddy that look more like long coarse grass. Perhaps Ez was right about something: I could make a calendar with the paddy field photos. Hah. Go me. Here are some of the photos I took.




.this shadow of a coconut tree keeps running away.



.picturesque.


.dusk. the day is ending.

You see, nowadays, if I feel like doing something, I would just do it instantly. I just take a deep breath, have a stiff sip of drink, say a quick prayer, whatever, then just get down to it. At first, it may look as if my action seems meaningless (to everyone) but later on I believe it might turn into a something. If I feel like shooting some sawah padi, I just shoot. If I don’t feel like talking, I keep quiet. It might do some good for me as well as to others. Somehow, someway…someday.

I just let myself fall free into my own realm. Deep, deep, deep into the hole where nobody could ever find me. That way I am safe from being hurt. I hear less noise here, see less of the world’s cruelty and think more of the things I believe in. It’s dark and cold but it’s out of harm's way.

*I’m safe down here, mommy*

But I do hope someday, a right person would lend a hand and pull me out all right.

Wtf am I going to be eating whilst down there? Only those shifty, scuttling rodents in the undergrowth. Hah.


.eugh.


Is it okay to have no answer towards people’s question? (People might think I’m stupid.)

Is it okay to just keep quiet and not talking all day? (People might think I’m weird.)

Is it okay to gossip and gossip and gossip? (People might think I’m a b***h.)

Is it okay to ignore what others might say about me? (People might think I’m arrogant.)

Well, there’s not even one good way to satisfy people’s need. It’s how you define who you are, live and believe it that matters the most.

I am what I am and that is fine.

I may contain multitude. A huge number of meanings attached to it. It’s hard to explain to people why I do this and why I am like that because they will accept diverse sense from what I elucidate. I may put my explanation in plain words but it might get tangled here and there.

Last night I was thinking about how hard it is to stay in my own skin. People try to catapult me into another aspect of myself and let me dwell there a while. I want to ‘be me’, to express that me-ness and yet it is so varied, so paradoxical and divergent. There’s me as a daughter, sister, friend. Designer, freelancer, amateur. Student, know-it-all and idiot. I’m just the freakiest of all mutated freaks.

Perhaps, one day, Ito and Ez will stop questioning me why I keep silence now and then. I feel bad when I answer them lame reply like “I’m thinking about my ex or I’m thinking about As. Or I’m trying to find a new place so that my ex won’t stalk me or I’m trying to fix my broken heart here by meditating silently, you guys.” I guess they had enough of this already. I feel utterly awful when I keep quiet but feel so biatch at the same time if I talk too much *scratch head* I am seriously horrific in this communicating thing (especially if it involves more than one person).As far as I never question why they have to puff some smoke into my eyes or why they reply only two sentences to my lengthy sms-es, everything would be fine if they let me be. Haha.

.the picture taken before I jump into the river for fun.



Because men and women don’t come from the same planet, we have different demeanour. Both sexes often draw some subtle barriers through their relationship together, imposing restrictions often through sheer inertia. Men smoke to look cool. Women cry to show emotions. Men decide silently with rationale, women on the other hand often react expressively with intuition. Men don’t listen, women can’t read maps. Vice versa.

And this is why couples fight. *wink* It’s hard to find parallel and understanding between both sexes. Men want appreciation and women needs affection. Blah blah blah.


.and how glad I am for being single.

This is the best shot so far.


.classic huh?.


Out of few stupid snaps, this one did turn out to be something.

Have a nice day, everyone.

Living my life pathetically happy.
__Ib

.the family picnic.

Chronicle: The tranquility.


I spent some time in P.D. Bliss for a photo-snapper like me…a vacation means lotsa things to be captured digitally. Lalala.


.paradise ey?.


Two families went together: my babysitter’s and my own. Quite a number, we were huddled into the vehicles, corked in together with bags and baskets of foods, but the more the merrier. We rented a cheap apartment but it’s a pretty cool place, v. retro and v. wacky and v. me! I can’t help myself; I kept on snapping, from the bed to the freezer to the kettle…


.psychedelic! It’s hard to find a cool bed like this nowadays.



.retro seat, retro tv.



.even the lamp are old skool!.


. they made me want to touch the glow.


Until my mom smack me on the head and said “go get the bags.” *piak* ouch.

The stuff there made me go “gosh, what year are we in right now,man!”. It’s just so brady bunch! I wanted to put in some more photos of it but wtf I won’t bore u guys with my zaniness for old stuff.

The vacation did me some good, really. For a while, all the worries I carry inside my wits seems tons lighter.


.di ambang sore.

I released my tension with canoeing and ermm canoeing. I’m not much of a water-lover, I love sea-side but to dive into the water and swim isn’t exactly my kind of thang (okay okay possibly because I can’t swim. Heck.) Canoeing is the only water-sport I really love. I don’t know why I am so into canoeing regardless of the fact that I can’t swim and I disgust deep water. I always sense the stillness of time once I’m far away from the ground. When I paddled, it felt as if I was paddling my troubles away.

Impak kuat yang dirasa sewaktu dayung menongkah arus, sama seperti merasai kekuatan diri menujah semua kelemahan dan ketakutan.

If u never been in a canoe before, try it. It’s life, there, inside the canoe. You have to know the right way to paddle your direction, to make sure you don’t make the wrong turn or your canoe go upside down. Sometimes you have to paddle a bit far away from the coast to see what is there ahead of you. There will be billow that pester, you just have to bear with it and paddled your way strongly. But there will be times when you feel insecure of the broad sea that surround you; it looks scarier than you can ever imagine, you will want to paddle back to the shore.

And of course, don’t forget your life jacket.


.this is a friendly reminder. Hah.


And during the vacation, I kind of miss one person a lot.


.his was a WKT 6**1.


I don’t know why, but I guess when you are alone, you tend to miss all the people who used to make you feel so happy and excited. He used to make me wanted to wake up every morning with a smile on my face and energy in my body, and just live this life blithely, without a care in the world. All we know was that we wanted to spend time with each other talking, gossiping and laughing. When he’s around, I can actually see lots of beautiful, vibrant colors enfold the both of us.

And I still didn’t know why he took the decision to leave.

And left the colors that once enfold us. Now it’s only black and white.

He’s a great friend indeed. But we mess the friendship with mixture feelings. We should just leave the colors to be vivid and never try to ruin it, right?

:_(

I’m just thankful we never hate each other, never say bad things about one another and never fight or argue. We started out right and we ended it right. His parents still says hello and hugs me casually, and so does my mom to him. There’s completely no hatred at all between both of us.

If all the relationship in this world turns out like this, kan bagus?

I’m pleased I got the chance to be in a friendship so beautiful like that. He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my life. His eyes sparkle whenever he’s in a good mood. He has the sweetest smile and a nice set of teeth. If he’s angry he will just keep quiet and held all his emotions inside. I hardly ever know his actual feelings coz he seldom shows it. He is just happy 24/7, I never see him sad or angry. Our memories were all sweet, no bitter, not even a little bit. So whenever I feel so ‘blue’, the reminiscences of our friendship are all great to remember.

I miss his laugh. I miss As. *sniff*

Heck, enuff with the emotions already! *wipe my tears away*

Feel free to browse around my flickr for some stupid snaps. www.flickr.com/photos/ibcubuz

Though I’m going to post some of it here, for the heck of it


.lights! colors! Aaa bliss.



.little aiman trapped in my shirt.



.okay I’m being giddy again.



.bless the 10seconds timer.


.i love you so much, mommy.



.one big giant happy family, though only five was in the picture.



.mommies with emm not a mommy yet.


.argh missed the snap. Arggh.




.and when the sun is up on your head, quickly snap the shadow!.




Living my life pathetically happy.
__Ib