.something missing.

I’ve been missing everyone lately. Yang nun jauh di mata, tapi dekat di hati.

My cousin, Sis Siti, and her four months pregnancy.
My best friend, Wawa who’s getting married this month.
My best buddies in Muar, Rahman, Hairy, Vicky, Ito. Miss to hang out with them.
My best friends in high school; Anem, Salmi, Sara. Two of them are getting married this year.
My gal friends; Siew Ming, Lee Teng and Shazlin my dear.

And speaking of marriage, I had to cancelled my plan to visit an art event organized by ParkingProject : The Kingdom of Rebel @ Pelita Hati. Muid was participating, representing Digital Malaya Project and I’ve been meaning to visit his show. Mom called me the other day, asked me to drive her to JB for a cousin’s wedding. I quickly agreed since :

a. Family always comes first.
b. I love driving. Especially long-distant. And I wouldn’t miss the chance to drive Getzo *sorry ped* the chance seldom comes.
c. I haven’t seen my cousin, Kak In for quite some time. Miss her.
d. It’s my one and only chance to meet Abg Hefni, my long-lost cousin.

So I said “okay mum” while shooting some loony photos, which u can view later at my fLicKr after reading this entry. Its wacky; I nearly freaked my neighbours, passers by, the stray cats and myself too actually. Somebody shouted “Hoiii” when I was creeping out through my window. I was shocked (oh well, maybe the guy was shocked too, I don’t blame him a bit) and nearly fell of the third roof.

Humm.

It was a small ceremony but merry and joyful. Aunts, uncles and cousins gathered, exchanging hugs and kisses and catching up with gossips and stories. I was looking forward to meet my favourite cousin: Abg Oja for some tease and silly jokes. My long-lost cousin Hefni, was there too. He hasn’t changed a lot, still as good-looking as ever. Looking at my cousins, made me think for a second, omg they’re all stunning and clever. A mixture of faces, some are ‘Chinese-looking and some are Caucasian-looking’. (like what my gorgeous aunt, Che’ Nobi would say). One of my cousin, Abg Izat, seriously remind me of Dean Cain. Am I being too much here? But he is, really, minus the great six-pack and bum of course. And his wife looks like a doll. And his little children end up looking like Ken and Barbie.

I was gossiping with Kak In at a corner when suddenly the favourite question of the elderly came up: “When is your turn?” Kak In cleverly run and hid herself leaving me frantically trying to catch a breath. The big question finally came, some questions and issues I’ve been avoiding to answer:

a. How’s your boyfriend doing?
b. I hope to see you next on the bridal dais.
c. How old are you again?

*gasp* teetering, I tried to lean on the wall, trying to stand steadily on my foot. I knew the day would come, for them to ask me the BIG question and since I used to have a boyfriend before (and to make things worse everyone knew my ex and kind of fond of him) I have to confer my beloved aunts and uncles a favourable reply to their query *ehem*

“Ah, I need to use the loo.” was my reply. A lame excuse but a great way to escape!

They called upon my shoulder “Ibahhhhh!!” and I mumbled something like “You know guys, with the new fringe and all…”

Do you believe in ‘institusi perkahwinan”? Marriage is sacred and I believe in it. It’s just that….not now. It won’t happen for the next three years even. Kak In is in good condition lahh…..she’s getting married next year insya Allah, and damn they’ll be asking the same question to me again at Kak In’s wedding. *terrified* Suddenly feel like there’s a spotlight shine over me. Hah. Honestly, I want to get married, to have someone to take care of me and all that. But before it happens, I have to get to know the person I’m going to marry, first. Learning from the past, it is crucial to get to know your partner better. Not just their name and blah blah blah. But is he worth to spend my life with? I would say, if I don’t meet anyone for the next five years, I might not get married for the rest of my life. But heck, who knows with Allah’s blessing someone would send his rombongan peminangan right at my door, this minute, kan? I know, family life has been considered as a very important unit constituting the social structure of a mankind. And getting married is the most significant event of life span between life and death. *gasp* (I can’t believe I’m saying this haha) Shakespeare says, ‘Marriage is a matter of more worth than to be dealt with by attorneyship.’ (omg I even quoted like Azuar haha) If I ever get married, it would be once and for all. I’m not going to let mine dwindling, shaking and tumbling like my past relationships (and no honey I’m not gonna let you marry ‘satu lagi’). If I am ever to marry someone who would:

a- cheat behind my back
b- cheat right in front of me (I’m trying to picture the worst case scenario here)
c- irresponsible
d- can’t even take care of his own self
e- not in love with me
f- or much worse, I don’t love him at all

I’d rather be alone and take care of my nephews and nieces instead. Marriage isn’t about being together with your love ones for the rest of your life, the quality of mutual relationship does not confine in the two alone. It’s beyond that. It must be a successful one for me, I want to have a great family like what my parents had for the past 36 years. For me, at least, my husband-to-be should fit well into my family, loved and be loved by them, since I came from a family with a life-size sign “if you want to marry our daughter, you have to make us love you and you love us” on the door. Hah. We are so close together so it is important to find someone who can put up with a big family like mine. He has to take over my late father’s place, taking care of me, so yeah he should be as loving as my beloved ayah.

*saya sudah kehilangan ayah, tentu Allah akan beri pengganti *wink* insya Allah. Amin.

I got sms early this morning, from my first love, my sweetheart in high school; Joehar:

Joe: Where r u?
Ibah: Home. Lazying ard.
Joe: Not going out today? U shud go out more often, ibah. Go get a date.
Ibah: Nahh..tired of the dating life. What abt u?
Joe: What abt me?
Ibah: I think maybe u should go get a date too. Some hot chic to flirt with, with your looks and car and jobs, it would be much easier,kan? Dating life isn’t that bad. Its just me getting tired of it. I’m too old for that, I think haha (at this point I just realized I have trouble keeping my sms short)
Joe: Ibah, u forgot sumthg.
Ibah: What?
Joe: I’m getting married soon.

Gosh. How can I forget? Damn, even my first crush, my first date, my first boyfriend, my first love, is getting married. And to make my life more tragic, his house is situated right in front of my house where i can see everything clearly just by peeking through my window. I wonder how it would feels.

Well, happy birthday, Joe. I even forgot your birthday. (now I know the reason why you sms me you silly ninny you). I should get the reminder thing-y in my hand phone checked. Pfft.



.tragic ib.

Living my life pathetically happy.
__Ib