...but am gonna miss her more comes May. My lovely darling Ira. Thirteen years of friendship and still loving each other's presence.
Love you, Ya!
Archives
.a-mused.
went to see...
they were awesome! AWESOME!!
MUSEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
they were awesome! AWESOME!!
---
and happy (belated) birthday to muid! *fire cannon*
.freelove.
ah, even if it's free...would we appreciate it? love is priceless, more like it.
went to watch crossboarders featuring freelove and everybody loves irene at laundry last night. okay larr. love the performance by our local freelove but everybody loves irene to which muzzy said is the portishead indo version was a bit dissapointing. plus it wasnt really my cuppa tea, maybe.
went there with azrul and zatyl. love their company that night sooo much! after the gig, we headed down to steven's, azrul (and mine as well) usual mamak in OUG. the charkueytiaw was yummylicious. three plates of it, a plate of fries, glasses and glasses of drinks...we called it a day after azrul yawning for signal.
thank you guys for a great night out! thanks azrul for bringing us there! congrats on the new job too :P
-everybody loves irene-
went to watch crossboarders featuring freelove and everybody loves irene at laundry last night. okay larr. love the performance by our local freelove but everybody loves irene to which muzzy said is the portishead indo version was a bit dissapointing. plus it wasnt really my cuppa tea, maybe.
went there with azrul and zatyl. love their company that night sooo much! after the gig, we headed down to steven's, azrul (and mine as well) usual mamak in OUG. the charkueytiaw was yummylicious. three plates of it, a plate of fries, glasses and glasses of drinks...we called it a day after azrul yawning for signal.
thank you guys for a great night out! thanks azrul for bringing us there! congrats on the new job too :P
-everybody loves irene-
-my new hair cut :P -
and how i wish yana was there too!! would like to write more but but. got work to finish.
.confession.
Here’s a confession.
Last three weeks, I’ve made a terrible mistake in my life. I was really shattered. I know, when it comes to the matter of the heart, I often let my feelings and emotional baggage cloud my judgment. So, I tried to pick up the broken pieces of me and cleaned up the whole mess I’ve made.
...by forgiving myself and forget the whole thing.
I have come to realize that it will only do me more harm if I don’t let it go. I’ve been so hard on myself, now I just want my old-self back. The crazy, fun Ibah. Not the scared little cat I once was.
I screwed up. I’ve been a fool. But hey, I’m just human. Who had mistakenly kissed a lot of frogs in search of prince charming. Who had once too many times imagining the idea of running away from everything and start a new life in New York. Who wore a pale green collared-T with slippers on a date and think it was pretty cool. Picked the wrong job, the wrong course, the wrong guy, the wrong shoes. There’s even very horrific moments I wouldn’t dare to say or even think about it come to that. It was all very embarrassing but you can’t know what works till you’ve tried what doesn’t, can you? Falling flat on the ground is pretty normal for me but what matters is I do bounce myself back, though sometimes i take my own sweet time to eventually get up.
I’m the kind of a person who ‘do it and regret later’. Haha. But that’s what makes my life so interesting and full of stories.. Imagine living your life at your best all the time: never made a single mistake, winning without having to taste the anger of losing, being all goody-goody, blah blah blah…wouldn’t it be so dull? I’d rather live my life otherwise. Not that I’m proud of it but it makes me feel that I’m a fully-functional human being, that comes with a ‘full-of-flaws’ package. I think, that’s what makes a person much more endearing.
Once I’ve started to forgive myself, I found it really easy to lower my guards and enjoy the ride. And it has been fantastic since, especially with my photography. I guess, my positivism has magnetized more and more opportunities. I was at the gallery to check out the space for my display when I met my old mentor, Encik Poncho who upon seeing me, said ‘…and so I’ve heard.’ With a smile. It was all overwhelming, really.
---
I had one of the loveliest mornings the other day with my best friend, Ira at her favorite La Marche. Had rosti with carrots and orange juice.
‘What’s the point of having peeled carrots on your breakfast if you hate ém?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know…I liked the idea of having peeled carrots on my breakfast though I hate ém.’ replied dear me.
There’s nothing quite like a childhood friend. She, being the ‘Miss Logic’ and me being the ‘Drama Queen’. If there’s a person who could remind myself of who I was, who I am, and who I wanted to be, it would be her. She had made her fair share of mistakes as well, so we often sit together over food and cookies, and analyze ourselves and dictate where we did wrong. We noticed the other day that our conversation has grown mature over the years. '...how people can change huh, ib?' she says.
Having said all these, would I ever go back to being the old scared little cat? Never. I will not allow myself to slow my phase by thinking of my past. Insya Allah. It was hard, really. But once I’ve started to do it, it just comes naturally. It’s all in the mind.
I'm enjoying my maggi hot cup, a cuppa hot nescafe and a fast fast fast net-surfing at the moment, with Staralfur by Sigur Ros on repeat. Lovely and dreamy.
Last three weeks, I’ve made a terrible mistake in my life. I was really shattered. I know, when it comes to the matter of the heart, I often let my feelings and emotional baggage cloud my judgment. So, I tried to pick up the broken pieces of me and cleaned up the whole mess I’ve made.
...by forgiving myself and forget the whole thing.
I have come to realize that it will only do me more harm if I don’t let it go. I’ve been so hard on myself, now I just want my old-self back. The crazy, fun Ibah. Not the scared little cat I once was.
I screwed up. I’ve been a fool. But hey, I’m just human. Who had mistakenly kissed a lot of frogs in search of prince charming. Who had once too many times imagining the idea of running away from everything and start a new life in New York. Who wore a pale green collared-T with slippers on a date and think it was pretty cool. Picked the wrong job, the wrong course, the wrong guy, the wrong shoes. There’s even very horrific moments I wouldn’t dare to say or even think about it come to that. It was all very embarrassing but you can’t know what works till you’ve tried what doesn’t, can you? Falling flat on the ground is pretty normal for me but what matters is I do bounce myself back, though sometimes i take my own sweet time to eventually get up.
I’m the kind of a person who ‘do it and regret later’. Haha. But that’s what makes my life so interesting and full of stories.. Imagine living your life at your best all the time: never made a single mistake, winning without having to taste the anger of losing, being all goody-goody, blah blah blah…wouldn’t it be so dull? I’d rather live my life otherwise. Not that I’m proud of it but it makes me feel that I’m a fully-functional human being, that comes with a ‘full-of-flaws’ package. I think, that’s what makes a person much more endearing.
Once I’ve started to forgive myself, I found it really easy to lower my guards and enjoy the ride. And it has been fantastic since, especially with my photography. I guess, my positivism has magnetized more and more opportunities. I was at the gallery to check out the space for my display when I met my old mentor, Encik Poncho who upon seeing me, said ‘…and so I’ve heard.’ With a smile. It was all overwhelming, really.
---
I had one of the loveliest mornings the other day with my best friend, Ira at her favorite La Marche. Had rosti with carrots and orange juice.
‘What’s the point of having peeled carrots on your breakfast if you hate ém?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know…I liked the idea of having peeled carrots on my breakfast though I hate ém.’ replied dear me.
There’s nothing quite like a childhood friend. She, being the ‘Miss Logic’ and me being the ‘Drama Queen’. If there’s a person who could remind myself of who I was, who I am, and who I wanted to be, it would be her. She had made her fair share of mistakes as well, so we often sit together over food and cookies, and analyze ourselves and dictate where we did wrong. We noticed the other day that our conversation has grown mature over the years. '...how people can change huh, ib?' she says.
Having said all these, would I ever go back to being the old scared little cat? Never. I will not allow myself to slow my phase by thinking of my past. Insya Allah. It was hard, really. But once I’ve started to do it, it just comes naturally. It’s all in the mind.
I'm enjoying my maggi hot cup, a cuppa hot nescafe and a fast fast fast net-surfing at the moment, with Staralfur by Sigur Ros on repeat. Lovely and dreamy.
.fun funny night.
i have been going out a lot lately, havent i?
and last night, it was dinner at friday's with azoe, zatyl and muhkriz. its their first meeting but they got on with each other very well, as if they've known for years. i think its because they are all very likeable individuals, chatty and friendly. love it when my friends could really get along. suddenly, i felt all warm and cosy around them. being a very cuddly person, i almost hug each of them and say 'ohmygosh i love u guys a lot!'. but that's probably too melodramatic for them.
after dinner, we sat down at the park near laundry and just lepak, taking photos and share stories. azoe and i went snapping crazy, from his d70 to my canon to his handphones...we used all the gadgets we could use to take photos. madness i'm telling you. even much more madness when zatyl and me forgot where we parked Ped! Azoe being hero of the day, drove around the empty parking lot in search of my beloved kembara. Hurhur...chaos!!
and last night, it was dinner at friday's with azoe, zatyl and muhkriz. its their first meeting but they got on with each other very well, as if they've known for years. i think its because they are all very likeable individuals, chatty and friendly. love it when my friends could really get along. suddenly, i felt all warm and cosy around them. being a very cuddly person, i almost hug each of them and say 'ohmygosh i love u guys a lot!'. but that's probably too melodramatic for them.
after dinner, we sat down at the park near laundry and just lepak, taking photos and share stories. azoe and i went snapping crazy, from his d70 to my canon to his handphones...we used all the gadgets we could use to take photos. madness i'm telling you. even much more madness when zatyl and me forgot where we parked Ped! Azoe being hero of the day, drove around the empty parking lot in search of my beloved kembara. Hurhur...chaos!!
anyway, i'm planning for tomorrow. in the mood of some tender loving. couldn't wait, really. hope things will turns out fine. insya Allah.
p/s thank you tyl-tyl sayang for the purse. love it!
.words.
i've been thinking a lot this morning.
forget and be forgotten. forgive and be forgiven.
and trying to believe in things that i dont know. i have come this far, there's no turning back. there are times when i feel like the thoughts wanted to pull me down and step on me. but i tried to see the truth in everything. remind myself of what he had said to me.
'i doubt it now that you really love me.'
and for this word i toughen myself everyday to stay as far away as i could and subliminally tell him;
'i no longer exist in your life. will this tells you that i really do?'
you wont see the tears running down my cheek anymore. you wont hear my sad voice whipping. the burden on your shoulder is now on mine.
tears has run dry on my pillow. sad voice whipping silently in my head.
---
watched blood diamond with an old friend. he has movie passes that allows him to watch movies for free every frickkin' day.
had to say, two thumbs up.
Danny says to Maddy:
'Sometimes, I wonder; will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Than I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago.'
this movie makes me think of life. of humanity wholly.
forget and be forgotten. forgive and be forgiven.
and trying to believe in things that i dont know. i have come this far, there's no turning back. there are times when i feel like the thoughts wanted to pull me down and step on me. but i tried to see the truth in everything. remind myself of what he had said to me.
'i doubt it now that you really love me.'
and for this word i toughen myself everyday to stay as far away as i could and subliminally tell him;
'i no longer exist in your life. will this tells you that i really do?'
you wont see the tears running down my cheek anymore. you wont hear my sad voice whipping. the burden on your shoulder is now on mine.
tears has run dry on my pillow. sad voice whipping silently in my head.
---
watched blood diamond with an old friend. he has movie passes that allows him to watch movies for free every frickkin' day.
had to say, two thumbs up.
Danny says to Maddy:
'Sometimes, I wonder; will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Than I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago.'
this movie makes me think of life. of humanity wholly.
.macam-macam.
was out with azoe yesterday having dinner at the nearby secret recipe. he was suffering from a terrible hiccups the whole day.
azoe: i..*hicks* *hicks* am sorry *hicks* i have *hicks* hiccups! *hicks*
think, it was really funny and cute.
azoe: (to the waiter) bole *hicks* bagi saya *hicks* air suam *hicks* dulu tak? *hicks* nanti *hicks* baru saya *hicks* order *hicks*
and as he got his warm water, the two of us (me and the waiter) taught him how to get rid of the hiccups with our traditional method. and yea, it did go away. funny azoe. macam-macam.
and today, went out shooting again with yana. our second adventurous day out together. first stop, ktm berhad. we strolled down the road from dayabumi to the old station. told her 'this is where my dad and i took a walk when i was a little girl.' felt like bringing her through my childhood days. was glad and happy. the next stop was klpac. we parked our car by the roadside and took massive crazy photos at the park. love the trees and shades of greenish grass and leaves! we both went mad lying on the grass, being beaten by mosquitoes and red ants. tapi pueh hati! took silly photos of our shadows too. it was.....crazy! love it! on the way to bangi, we stopped by the roadside and took photos of a really really nice sunset. a great way to end a great day.
hopefully, it would be a frequent outing. its therapeutic really.
azoe: i..*hicks* *hicks* am sorry *hicks* i have *hicks* hiccups! *hicks*
think, it was really funny and cute.
azoe: (to the waiter) bole *hicks* bagi saya *hicks* air suam *hicks* dulu tak? *hicks* nanti *hicks* baru saya *hicks* order *hicks*
and as he got his warm water, the two of us (me and the waiter) taught him how to get rid of the hiccups with our traditional method. and yea, it did go away. funny azoe. macam-macam.
and today, went out shooting again with yana. our second adventurous day out together. first stop, ktm berhad. we strolled down the road from dayabumi to the old station. told her 'this is where my dad and i took a walk when i was a little girl.' felt like bringing her through my childhood days. was glad and happy. the next stop was klpac. we parked our car by the roadside and took massive crazy photos at the park. love the trees and shades of greenish grass and leaves! we both went mad lying on the grass, being beaten by mosquitoes and red ants. tapi pueh hati! took silly photos of our shadows too. it was.....crazy! love it! on the way to bangi, we stopped by the roadside and took photos of a really really nice sunset. a great way to end a great day.
hopefully, it would be a frequent outing. its therapeutic really.
.in need of a hug and a good laugh.
met melanie for our one last quick drink. we haven’t seen each other for a while so it was great seeing her again. bought her a cute puppy doll, with that that kinda fur i like. i'm not that good at picking presents, haha. but i do hope she's okay with it. as always, our main topic are work and study. as she is leaving me very very soon now, i'm gonna miss our days of doing assignments together and hanging out in cyber. those days were great! i will text-ed her late at night and asked on assignments and we'll both will get so worried of not doing our best.
good luck to you, mel! try to have fun in the deadly perth, ya? hehe. will miss u lots! *huggy hug*
got myself a very smart looking card holder at hallmark. cost me only rm7! frickkkin' cheap! as the salesgirl was saying 'macam tak percaya murah sampai macam ni kan?' while we both staring at the tag price. yeah, true.
later on, met my best friends who've been waiting for me for ages. sorry ladies! catching up was all we did. sarah's gonna wed in april so i'm afraid its our last moment together as a happy single-ling-ling bunch.
we laughed. and laughed. and laughed.
and laughed. till we couldn't laugh anymore.
happee? happee.
alhamdullilah! i hope this means i'm doing fine. i really owe myself a lot of peace of mind.
i'm waiting for muhkriz to come and take me for supper-derk. thinking of stuffing myself with maggi goreng and telur mata. yummmmmmmmm.
good luck to you, mel! try to have fun in the deadly perth, ya? hehe. will miss u lots! *huggy hug*
got myself a very smart looking card holder at hallmark. cost me only rm7! frickkkin' cheap! as the salesgirl was saying 'macam tak percaya murah sampai macam ni kan?' while we both staring at the tag price. yeah, true.
later on, met my best friends who've been waiting for me for ages. sorry ladies! catching up was all we did. sarah's gonna wed in april so i'm afraid its our last moment together as a happy single-ling-ling bunch.
we laughed. and laughed. and laughed.
and laughed. till we couldn't laugh anymore.
happee? happee.
alhamdullilah! i hope this means i'm doing fine. i really owe myself a lot of peace of mind.
i'm waiting for muhkriz to come and take me for supper-derk. thinking of stuffing myself with maggi goreng and telur mata. yummmmmmmmm.
.girls night out.
-no, this boot has nothing to do with any of the other three photos.-friday night out with my girlfriends zatyl and yana at waikiki. after those days of 'down in the dumps' its always good to indulge in a bit of fun. it was my first time of chilling out but it wasnt as scary actually as i go with people i trust. plus its less the pressure and less the guilt. it was nearly midnight when zatyl wanted to check out laundry so that we could go there the next time around. we had planned to occupy our weekends so that none of us would go crazy and paranoid at home. bought ourselves ice creams at baskin&robbins. told them i was sorry i brought them to the wrong place as waikiki is too cosy and adult-ish for my little sisters. ib, they play the jackson 5 for heaven's sake. it was a great night out, with zatyl being the first time driver. hehe.
bought myself 'the holiday', 'fur: an imaginery potraits of diane arbus' and 'scoop'. my plan b for weekends. which reminds me to clean up my room a little bit more so the girls could crash and watch movie.
had my hands on nikon D40 today. insya Allah if things goes well with everything, will make sure i will buy it some time around august at the least. i'm currently addicted to see my money in my bank grows. hope i wont get greedy. amin.
yeah love hurts. matters of the heart are almost always more complicated than they seem. but the pain will heal. sooner or later.
.central market since 1888.
i missed to shoot thaipusam yesterday! everyone is either working or working. sir azli called in and says 'saya pergi malam ni pukul 2pagi dgn ikmal. but its not advisable for you girl to go. veryyyyyy dangerous!' okay one out, two more people to plea. azoe says 'ah thaipusam? whew sorry babe. i tak nak gi. giler scary. its not my cuppa tea to shoot. i give u my camera and you go lah k but i tak nak gi.' and yana is working as well, so i missed to shoot the 'kavadi' thing-y. hufrgh.
last wednesday had been quite a busy day too. running errands and meeting up with friends. around five in the evening, i went to central market to pick up my photos that had been sent a day earlier for developing. turns out they had color corrected my photos mistakenly. my b&w had gone from dramatic low key to dramatic high key. so i asked them to re-print them all. had to wait till 6pm so i decided to browse around my fav place on earth.
there's this one very old bookshop called 'book centre' i loved where i usually get my digital camera mag monthly. book centre was introduced to me by my eldest sister way back when i was 7 years old, all innocent and naive. it used to be a rent-a-book shop where you can rent a book for two weeks at a very cheap price (ranging from rm2-rm8 if i'm not mistaken). they even have some kinda library card for you to sign each time you rent. nowadays, they arent renting any longer, only books and mags of all sort are sold at a very affordable price. wouldnt know if my sister still remember holding my hand, leading me into the bookshop and said 'go search around, see if you want anything.' being nostalgic that i am, its still a vivid memory. how i miss going around kl with her.
had my eyes locked on 'the joke' written by a Czech novelist Milan Kundera. from what's written, it was his first famous book, that is before he was blacklisted from producing his works in his own country. there's a few more of his books that i had been flipping through. another one which i forgot the title as its too long, says '...how a life lived once may as well have never been lived at all.' i should finish tash aw's before proceeding to anything else.
another of my fav thing to do is to sit outside of CM and watch cool seniman jalanan do the busking. though CM topping my fav place on earth list, i hadnt take any personal photos of the place and the people there. everything about CM is secured safely inside my head. this fact surprised me, actually. that evening, however, i snap some photos and felt deeply connected to the place. this is where i grew up gazing at the clouds with my late dad, running for buses with my brother, reading with my sister, seeing thousands and thousands of faces and really looking at the life that revolves around me.
i miss those days. and today is my late dad's birthday. missing him as always.
you can check out the photos at my photoblog.
last wednesday had been quite a busy day too. running errands and meeting up with friends. around five in the evening, i went to central market to pick up my photos that had been sent a day earlier for developing. turns out they had color corrected my photos mistakenly. my b&w had gone from dramatic low key to dramatic high key. so i asked them to re-print them all. had to wait till 6pm so i decided to browse around my fav place on earth.
there's this one very old bookshop called 'book centre' i loved where i usually get my digital camera mag monthly. book centre was introduced to me by my eldest sister way back when i was 7 years old, all innocent and naive. it used to be a rent-a-book shop where you can rent a book for two weeks at a very cheap price (ranging from rm2-rm8 if i'm not mistaken). they even have some kinda library card for you to sign each time you rent. nowadays, they arent renting any longer, only books and mags of all sort are sold at a very affordable price. wouldnt know if my sister still remember holding my hand, leading me into the bookshop and said 'go search around, see if you want anything.' being nostalgic that i am, its still a vivid memory. how i miss going around kl with her.
had my eyes locked on 'the joke' written by a Czech novelist Milan Kundera. from what's written, it was his first famous book, that is before he was blacklisted from producing his works in his own country. there's a few more of his books that i had been flipping through. another one which i forgot the title as its too long, says '...how a life lived once may as well have never been lived at all.' i should finish tash aw's before proceeding to anything else.
another of my fav thing to do is to sit outside of CM and watch cool seniman jalanan do the busking. though CM topping my fav place on earth list, i hadnt take any personal photos of the place and the people there. everything about CM is secured safely inside my head. this fact surprised me, actually. that evening, however, i snap some photos and felt deeply connected to the place. this is where i grew up gazing at the clouds with my late dad, running for buses with my brother, reading with my sister, seeing thousands and thousands of faces and really looking at the life that revolves around me.
i miss those days. and today is my late dad's birthday. missing him as always.
you can check out the photos at my photoblog.
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